Don't Hide
by SimpleLoss12
Summary: Lovino hasn't been acting like his normal self lately and Antonio and Feliciano notice. When Antonio tries to talk to his friend he discovers a startling truth that pains him deeply. Rated T for self harm and Lovino's mouth


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Hetalia.

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It had been almost a month... Antonio looked down at his lunch but he didn't feel hungry. He felt kind of alone. Technically he wasn't because Gilbert and Francis were sitting by him, but the seat next to him was empty, as it had been for the past month. Why didn't Lovino ever want to sit with him anymore? He never wanted to talk to him either or hang out anymore like they used to. Lovino seemed to be becoming horribly distant from everyone and it was scaring Antonio.

"Dude, are you okay? You don't look that great," Gilbert asked.

"What's wrong mon Cher?" Francis asked, noticing the sad look on his friend's face.

Antonio just sighed heavily then looked up at his friends, "Have you guys noticed that Lovino's been acting a bit... Weird lately?"

"You mean by the fact that he doesn't want to talk to anyone anymore and is being a total recluse now?" Francis offered.

Gilbert laughed, "Well that's his loss if he doesn't want to hang around the awesome me anymore."

"I'm being serious," Antonio said as he looked at his friends and then out the window of the lunchroom again.

"Why don't you ask his brother? Maybe he knows what's wrong?" Francis said, ignoring Gilbert's stupid comment.

Antonio looked over in the direction of were Feliciano sat. He stood up abruptly and began to head over there, fully intending on asking Feliciano if he knew what was wrong with his brother.

It didn't take long for Antonio to find the ditzy Italian because he was sitting with Gilbert's brother Ludwig and Kiku. Antonio sat beside Feliciano and held up his hand apologetically, cutting off the Italian's rant on pasta among other things, "Lo siento, I'm sorry to interrupt you but I need to talk to you Feliciano. It's kind of important."

Feliciano smiled, "Ve~ Ciao Antonio! What did you need to talk to me about?" Antonio loved how cheery and happy Feliciano could be, the total opposite of his older brother. He hoped that maybe he would be able to find out what was wrong with Lovino.

"I need to talk to you about Lovino. He's been acting strange lately and I was wondering if you could tell me what was wrong," Antonio asked. Feliciano's smile faltered and his hazel eyes darkened. He looked up at Antonio with sad eyes and shook his head. Antonio's heart sank as he feared that Feliciano wouldn't be able to help him.

"Fratello has been acting rather strange lately, hasn't he? I'm sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to help you out. I honestly don't even know what's wrong with him because he never seems to want to talk to me anymore. We get home and he goes straight to his room and locks the door behind him. He doesn't come out until our parents make him come eat and even then he barely talks or eats." Feliciano gave a shaky sigh then continued in a soft voice, "I don't know what to do. I've noticed this and I don't know what to do to help him because he won't talk to me. He's always in his room and never wants to go anywhere or do anything, sometimes I swear he doesn't even want to get out of bed."

Antonio just sat and listened. So at least he wasn't the only one who noticed Lovino's out of the ordinary behavior, but what could he do? How could he get through to him?

"He hasn't been at lunch in a few weeks, and even before that I noticed that he never really talked to us and was always very quiet. He always disappears during the day and I'm starting to think he's skipping his classes as well. I'm really worried for him. He never returns my calls or texts and he never wants to hang out anymore," Antonio explained sadly.

Feliciano was quiet as he took in what Antonio was saying. "Maybe you could stop by after school today and we could try to talk to him?" Feliciano said hopefully.

"Alright, I'll meet you at your house," Antonio said with a nod.

Later that day after school Antonio pulled up to Feliciano and Lovino's house. He noticed that their parents weren't home yet, but he saw the boys' car in the driveway. He pulled in behind their car and put his car in park before turning it off. He got out and walked over to the front door. He took a deep breath to steady himself and he knocked on the door. He was hoping Lovino would talk to him because he was really getting worried about him.

The front door opened and he was surprised to see who was standing behind the door, "Lovino?"

The dark haired Italian just grimaced at him and then slammed the door in his face. Antonio just stood at the door, confused at what just happened.

Once he realized what had happened he knocked on the door again, "Lovino, wait! Please open the door again!"

There wasn't any reply from the other side except the sound of someone running up the stairs. Antonio wondered where Feliciano was. He didn't wait for anyone to come back, instead he just opened the door and ran inside. He ran up the stairs to Lovino's room where he was sure his friend had disappeared to.

He made it to the top of the stairs and went to open Lovino's bedroom door, but it was locked. He tried to open the door and knocked on it, trying to persuade Lovino to open it.

"Please Lovino, I need to talk to you. It's important and I'm really worried. Please just open the door so I can talk to you."

"Go away bastard! I don't want to talk to you or my stupid idiot brother or anyone else! So fuck off and leave me alone!" Lovino yelled from behind the door. The door shook and Antonio guessed that Lovino had kicked it, trying to deter Antonio and get him to leave but it wouldn't work.

"I don't think you understand Lovino, I'm not leaving until you tell me what is wrong. I don't care what it takes, even if I have to stay here all night." There was no reply and Antonio grew even more worried. Why wouldn't Lovino talk to anyone? What was going on? What could he do to make it better for his friend?

After a moment of silence, there was a reply from the other side of the door, "Why the fuck do you care Antonio? Just leave me alone!"

"I want to help, please, just talk to us. We've all noticed that something's wrong and we're worried," Antonio said softly. His heart was breaking as he heard the pain and hurt in his friend's voice. Why couldn't Lovino see that they all wanted to help him?

Antonio was leaning against the door with his ear to the wood, seeing if he could hear anything happening. He almost fell over when the door was swung open. He caught himself before he fell flat on his face and he looked up to see Lovino. Lovino's dark reddish brown hair covered his eyes and he still had a grimace on his lips.

"Listen, I know you don't want to talk to me, but I'm really worried. What's wrong-?" Antonio got distracted as he looked up at Lovino's arm that was holding the door open. His brow furrowed in confusion as he looked closer. Lovino's sleeve had pulled up a little and his wrist was peeking through. What caught his attention was the fact that it was really red and looked like it was bleeding.

"Nothing's wrong bastard!" Lovino yelled as he noticed Antonio's stare. He pulled his arm down and hid it behind his back, tugging at his sleeve.

"Then let me see your arm again," Antonio said anxiously. What was going on?

"No!" Lovino tried to slam the door shut again but Antonio stopped it and stepped inside, closing the door behind him.

"Lovino, please," Antonio begged.

Lovino was quiet for a minute as he glared at Antonio. Antonio just sat there and waited for his friend to say something, anything...

"You want to know what's wrong?" Lovino finally asked.

"Yes! That's why I'm here," Antonio said quietly.

Lovino continued to glare at the Spaniard, he took a deep breath and then grabbed the bottom of his sleeve. His eyes were on Antonio's face as he slowly pulled his sleeve up to his elbow. Antonio gasped as he saw what his friend was showing him.

Lovino's arm was all cut up and red. He had multiple cuts, both deep and shallow crisscrossing on his arm and wrist. Some looked fresh and others looked like they were healing, or at least trying to. Antonio reached out slowly to grab his friend's hand. Lovino pulled back so that Antonio wouldn't touch him.

"Lovino, I don't understand..." Antonio said his voice barely a whisper.

Lovino laughed darkly, "Of course you don't, who would?"

Antonio just couldn't even wrap his head around what was happening. What was he seeing? Why was Lovino doing this?

"Why?" was all Antonio could say. His stomach was in knots and his heart was pounding. How could this be happening? How had he not seen it earlier? Would he even be able to help Lovino anymore? How bad was it actually?

"Why? You want to know why?!" Lovino yelled. He laughed darkly again as he looked at Antonio again. "You wouldn't understand even if I told you," he said quietly.

Antonio felt his heart sink with the look on his friend's face. "Why wouldn't I?"

"Because Antonio, you don't know how it feels!" Lovino yelled. "You don't know what it's like for everyone to hate you. Everyone likes my brother more than me! It's always 'Feliciano this', or 'Feliciano that', or 'Lovino, why can't you be more like your brother?' I'm sick and tired of it! No one likes me because I'm not a happy-go-lucky ditz like my brother! Everyone always wants to be around him, everyone always wants to spend time with him, and no one even likes me or wants to spend time with me. And no one cares about how I feel, they say whatever comes to their mind, even if they know it will hurt my feelings. No one actually cares about me, and why should they? I'm nothing special, I have no talent, I have nothing and I'm an asshole. That's why nobody cares, that's why no one likes me."

Antonio's heart broke even more as he listened to his friend. He hated that Lovino was doing this to himself, he hated that he hadn't realized it sooner, he hated that he hadn't been able to stop him. There was a lump in his throat and he couldn't get any words to come out. He felt a horrible ache in the pit of his stomach and his entire body felt numb. "Lovino, I-"

"Don't pull any of that 'I actually care' bullshit! I don't want to hear it from you! I don't want any help either! Just leave me alone and let me be!" Lovino's voice cracked at the last few words and Antonio saw tears falling from Lovino's dark hazel eyes. Antonio himself could feel his eyes stinging with tears.

"But I do Lovino! Please listen to me! I do care, I care very much, and I don't want you doing this to yourself anymore." Antonio pleaded. He reached out and grabbed Lovino's cut up arm and even though he tried to pull away, Antonio grabbed his hand firmly, making sure not to grab any of the sensitive areas. He held his hand close to his chest and looked into Lovino's eyes. Lovino turned away but Antonio used his other hand to grab his friend's chin and make sure he looked at him.

"Lovino, listen to me, I wouldn't lie to you. I actually do care, you're my best friend. You may not believe it, but we love you. Your brother, mom, dad, me, the rest of your friends, we all care about you and love you. You don't get it. We're all worried about you and we've noticed that you've been acting different. We want to help, in any way we can. You can talk to us, about anything. Lovino, I wish you would have come to me or anyone else about this. Hurting yourself doesn't solve any problems. You may think it does now, but it only makes it worse for yourself. Please, please don't do this to yourself," Antonio poured his heart into every word. He hated to see Lovino in this state. He would do anything to get Lovino to stop. He looked down at his friend's arm and saw all the cuts. He couldn't even begin to imagine how much it must have hurt or how much Pain Lovino was in, physically and emotionally.

"I don't think you understand-" Lovino began, but Antonio cut him off.

"You're right, I probably don't understand. So maybe you should talk to me about it, tell me why you think this is the right? Tell me what I can do to help you. Talk to me; don't leave me in the dark. Don't do this to yourself, if you ever feel like you're hurting and you feel the need to do this again, tell me, or if not me than someone else. We don't want you hurt; we don't want you to feel like this anymore."

Lovino couldn't hold it in anymore, he broke down in tears. He wrapped his arms around his friend and buried his face into Antonio's shoulder. That's all he wanted: was for someone to notice him; to realize that he was hurting and actually give a shit about him for once. He held Antonio close and just let all the tears flow. He had held it all in for long enough. All the pain and misery, the loneliness, the hurt...

"Antonio," Lovino cried.

"Yes Lovi?"

Lovino tried to get the words to come out. The words of gratitude sat on his tongue, as he tried to get them to come out. "Thank you," he whispered as he continued to hold onto his friend.

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**A/N:** So I wrote this after having a dream. I had an urge to write it because I know what it's like to hurt and go through this sort of pain and I didn't write this to just whine about my feelings. I wrote it to let anyone that's feeling the same way know that there is always someone out there who cares about you and wants to help. I know it was hard for me, but my friends stuck by my side and helped me through it. Everyone has their bad days, but hurting yourself isn't the answer. I know you may think it is, because maybe you feel like it's the only way to feel better or let out pent up emotions, but that's not the case. If you ever feel like you're hurting, tell someone. Don't keep it bottled up because you'll regret it in the long run. If you're one of those people who doesn't want to talk to anyone, or if you feel like there's no hope, think again. I wrote this to prove that there is always someone out there who cares, even if you feel like there isn't. Always think twice and don't make rash decisions. If this helps you, then I'm glad. If this really doesn't affect you, but someone you know, then let them know that you care and are there for them.


End file.
